Say My Name
By Patricia Logan
Bound by Love Series, Book One
Dawson Thomas is a rent boy, a young man who goes out hoping to impress a man who’ll pay him to be a submissive for a kinky night together. One night he accompanies a friend to a BDSM club in New York. Raw Hide is a place where men gather to live out their fantasies and Dawson can’t believe his good luck when the owner invites him upstairs to be paid for a night of kink. When others whisper that the man is hideously deformed, calling him “The Monster”, Dawson remembers the cost of his tuition and puts aside his fears, accompanying the bodyguard to the man’s apartment.
Each night, Cole Chambliss paces in his rooms above Raw Hide, watching beautiful submissives give themselves to their Doms, just a few steps down the stairs. Cole longs for days past when he could go out in public… when no one would stare at him in horror. After paying a bitter price when fighting for his country, Cole knows his days of walking among whole men are gone forever… that is until one night he takes a risk that terrifies him. The stunning submissive who’s caught his eye is something extraordinary and Cole decides he must chance everything for one last shot at happiness.
One dark night, one desperate risk, and one horrifying request later, Cole hears the words he’s feared since his return from the war. “Say my name, Sir… please just… say my name…”
International bestselling author Patricia Logan, resides in Los Angeles, California. The author of several #1 bestselling erotic romances in English, Italian, French, and Spanish lives in a small house with a large family. When she’s not writing her next thriller romance, she’s watching her grandchildren grow up way too soon, and raising kids who make her proud every day. One of her favorite tasks is coaxing nose kisses from cats who insist on flopping on her keyboard while she types. Married to a wonderful gentleman for 30 years, she counts herself lucky to be surrounded by people who love her and give her stories to tell every day.
What is the most surprising thing you discovered while writing your book?
“Say my Name” was an interesting book for me. I had this concept for a Phantom of the Opera type story where one main character (in this case, the Dom named Cole) observed and fell in love with the other main character (in this case, the submissive named Dawson) without ever meeting him. I thought I could pull it off pretty well and it seems people think I did. The story has received great reviews and good rankings. The surprising thing to me was that I wrote it and then set it aside for a while, thinking it was really crap until I opened it up after about a two-month rest and found that I had created this great story. That happens sometimes and it’s really odd. It’s like we, as authors, second guess ourselves and then it turns out that all it needed were a few tweaks here and there to make it something that really should satisfy our readers. It doesn’t happen to me often, but this time it did. That surprised me with this book.
How many books have you written? Which is your favorite?
I’ve written over 40 books, most novel and novella-length. Some await publication but I believe there are 40 published so far. It’s really hard to choose a favorite “child” but I’d have to say I like “The Thief” the best. I wrote that entire 72K book in less than 5 weeks and that included about 10 days of research. It is my most heavily researched book to date but I knew with the Holocaust subject matter, I had to be accurate. I research a lot of things, guns, rifles, BDSM, etc, but that book was a serious endeavour to me because of the subject matter and I knew I had to get it right. I owed it to my readers. Fortunately, they seemed to agree because in almost every review they said they appreciated the research and the way I handled a really touchy subject.
Do you hear from your readers much? What do they say?
I interact with my readers on FB primarily and hear from them all the time but once in a while, I get that amazing email. That happened to me on Dec. 26th. It read: “Hi Patricia. I just read “Say My Name”. This is the best love story that I have ever read. Wonderful characters, true emotions and a great story. It is so good, that I actually read it twice. It made me happy and that is a lot for a book to do. My best to you and keep on writing.” I do get emails and reviews like that on occasion but when they come out of left field like that, it makes every word I write just that much more special. That kind of encouragement makes me write faster and better!
What did you want to be when you grew up?
I think I changed my mind every week but I always wanted to be an artist and in fact, that’s what I pursued when I entered college. My art teacher in high school had been so encouraging, I just knew that’s what I should do so I went for it, only to drop college after real life and the need to make money got in my way. If I had it to do all over again and I wasn’t writing, I’m pretty sure I would have kept up with my art and starved until I figured out how to make money out of it. I’d love to be able to do book covers but I know nothing about the computer except how to type so that won’t be happening any time soon.
How do you do research for your books?
In various ways. When it comes to BDSM, I draw on interviews which I conducted from friends and acquaintances, BDSM playroom scenes which I’ve watched in person and on screen, and a hell of a lot of pleasurable reading. I’m a submissive at heart, and though I haven’t played in a lot of years, I still get the same feelings as I used to when I act as the voyeur. You can learn a lot about the practices of BDSM when you talk to people who live the lifestyle full time. I have a girlfriend who has lived with her Master for many years, nearing twenty, and it is interesting to note that aside from their bedroom, they live much the same outside it but still have the same responsibilities as every other family. They raise a teenager, face job setbacks, burn dinner on the stove, and struggle to pay bills every month. Perhaps unlike a lot of authors, I actually adore research.
“Good match you made, boss,” Bull said, walking up to the desk where Cole stood.
Cole sat down heavily, looking up at his huge bodyguard. “I don’t want Zander touching him again and he’s not allowed in the pit,” he hissed. His voice was even more hideous and ragged than usual.
“What? Who? Zander?” Bull asked, perplexed. “You don’t want Zander in the pit again but boss, you said…”
“Dawson, you idiot!” Cole shouted.
“But, Cole, you said you wanted Dawson to play with Zander. I explained to him that you just wanted him to take an interest in the submissive the way you asked me to. I told him you didn’t want to see him hooking up with the wrong Dom and that you wanted to see him be a friend to Dawson.”
Cole nodded, feeling a hard rock in the pit of his stomach. “And, did you tell Zander I’d cover Dawson’s fees?”
“Yeah, boss. Besides, their scene was brilliant. Listen to that applause. You haven’t changed your mind, have you Cole?”
Cole cursed the fact that he hadn’t turned off the speaker as the crowd went crazy for them. He squeezed his eyes shut and laid his head back on the leather headrest on his chair. His brain felt like it would split in two from agony and his stomach was twisting with nausea from just having seen Dawson given pleasure by the other dominant. It was killing him. He opened his eyes and looked miserably over at Bull.
“Just… just tell Zander he’s not to touch the boy again, okay?”
“Sure, boss. Anything you say.” Bull turned to walk away but seemed think better of it as he stopped himself in his tracks and spun back around. “You know, Cole, it wouldn’t be so bad if you told the boy you loved him. I know he’s crazy about you too. You’re just too prideful to see it.”
F*cking bloody friends! Who needs you? “You think I’m proud of these scars? I curse them every day!” He stood so fast, the desk chair spun behind him.
“Oh, I didn’t realize Dawson had seen you,” Bull said. He walked back up to Cole’s desk. “I thought you’d blindfolded him and he’d gotten to know you on the inside.” He pointed at Cole’s chest.
Cole’s mouth dropped open. I have! Cole was suddenly pissed all over again as Bull stood there staring at him smugly. He knew damned well what Bull was trying to imply… that somehow Dawson had fallen in love with Cole in spite of never seeing him, meaning the only way he’d ever learned anything about Cole was by the way he perceived him to be on the inside. Cole had to admit, it was an intelligent argument and one he had dismissed until his friend had mentioned it. He’d never thought it was possible that a man like Dawson could fall in love with him and it bugged him to no end that Bull could read him so easily.
He’d lost all his confidence on a battlefield in Afghanistan. But, Cole had seen the emotions in Dawson as he’d sent him away… the way he’d apologized and sobbed, thinking he had done something wrong, had displeased him in some manner. How selfish you’ve been. You toyed with that sweet submissive, made him fall in love with you, and then cast him off, pushing him into someone else’s arms. You stupid man. He stared at Bull for a few seconds, finally sitting back down in his chair, squeezing his eyes shut in shame, and leaning his head back as he realized what a complete ass he’d been to both Dawson and to Zander. Cole had stayed up in his perch of power and played with the hearts and minds of both men and he despised himself for it. He looked up at Bull who hovered over his desk, looking angry.
“I’ve been a horrible idiot and I’ve treated them both badly.” He hated the way emotions seemed to thicken his already ruined voice.
“You know, Cole. Zander’s a big boy. He’ll get over it in a heartbeat if you were to tell him that you made a mistake and wanted Dawson,” Bull said, his voice quiet.
“Dawson’s a whole other thing, Cole. I think you know that.”
“He’s in love with me? How is that possible?” Cole was flabbergasted that it could be possible.
“You’re in love with him, that’s evident,” Bull said, “Why is it such a far stretch for you to believe he could love you back?”
“I think that’s obvious,” Cole snapped. His stomach was churning as he stared at Bull.
“You know, for an intelligent man, Cole, sometimes, you cannot see past the nose on your own face. Even without the use of his vision, Dawson saw the man I know you are. He saw a compassionate man who has so much to offer the world.”
Cole blew out a long breath as he frowned. “He would be wrong. Those days are over.”
“Then if you truly believe that about yourself, you’re not the man I once knew,” Bull accused. His face was terrifying at the moment and Cole realized must look like his warrior ancestors at their most fierce. “You’ve closed yourself off from the world for four years, refusing to show yourself to anyone. So what if you have scars or a voice you hate. You are a man I’ve always been proud to call friend… and a fantastic Dom,” he said. Cole was surprised how worked up he seemed to be getting. “Besides that, you’re the only one I could trust myself to come out to, Cole. No one in my family would accept me as I was. You rescued me, Cole. I know your heart. Are you too proud to take a chance on that submissive? If you are, I quit.” He turned away and began to walk toward the door to the apartment as Cole shot out of his chair and ran around the desk.
“What are you saying, Bull? You quit?” His voice rumbled with emotion.
Bull stopped in his tracks and turned. The fury written on his best friend’s face was terrifying in its intensity. “Yeah, you heard me. I’m tired of your whining. Get out and live, Cole… or die here alone. Those are your choices. If you can’t see the man you really are, it’s you who’s wearing the blindfold, you stupid dick.”
Without another word, he stomped out of the apartment, slamming the door behind himself. Cole stared at the door for a few seconds trying his best to comprehend what had happened in the last few minutes. He turned and walked back to the windows where he stared out at the club teeming with every kind of life… a life he’d given up on long before.